Here I am

Am I tired?

Jack looked at me tonight as I gave him his bath and said, "Mommy, your eyes look cracked."

Yes, I'm tired.

It's a good tired from a busy week. We listed our condo Monday and by tomorrow night, we'll have had at least 16 showings. That is a lot of rounds of sweeping up crumbs, putting out the "show" towels and cleaning off the counters. I'm also trying to give work its due attention as things heat up there and have even scheduled some much-needed friend time. And I'm doing our income taxes. Fun.

Our week with the kids has taken two paths. One path is the refugee one - spending hours at a time away from our condo, packing our car with the essentials (snacks, water bottles and diapers) and the not-so-essentials (a bunch of Jack's art projects and Jossie's baby doll collection). The other path is time spent at home, trying to stick to routines, wash laundry, wash babies and eat plain meals to combat the restaurant meals we are eating otherwise.

So that's me on the Saturday night of St. Patrick's Day weekend in Chicago. The river is green; revelry is in the air; and Jeremy and I are at home with two sleeping babies after an early dinner with good friends. More to come.

Space

I felt like I lived this week in 15-minute increments, going from one activity to the next. Early on in the week, my lack of sleep and lack of space to think was showing - my brain wasn't making connections fast enough and I felt exhausted. And it was only Monday night.

Wednesday was my Super Woman day - worked a few hours, volunteered in Jack's classroom, had a parent-teacher conference, had a doctor's appointment, worked a few more hours, made dinner, took Jack to his swim class, got the kids ready for bed and then worked another hour. I was shaking with exhaustion when I went to bed. And I know many a person in my life who pushes themselves to the limits like this. 

Today, I'm slowly gaining back parity in my time. Maybe I mean sanity. I worked most of the day from home, close to my babies and in comfy clothes. Jossie is so close to walking.  Tonight, it's good. I'm having a glass of our summer favorite white wine on our fourth-floor balcony. Helicopters periodically buzz over, as security precautions for the NATO summit, but otherwise the evening is calm with slight warm breezes.

We all need space. Space to think and let our minds wander. To ponder, to explore, to test. The older I get, which is not that old just yet, I'm learning the value in rest and reflection.

Summer annuals sit at my feet this night, waiting to be planted. Jeremy and I took the kids tonight to one of my favorite greenhouses in Chicago, Christy Webber Landscapes Farm & Garden Center, formerly Grand Street Gardens. Just five months ago, we were there on a December Friday night, picking out our small but mighty Christmas tree, and tonight we pulled our red wagon around, picking out vibrant pink, purple and yellow flowers. Fill, spill and thrill, a family friend once told us when it comes to container boxes.

I have found the perfect green for my containers - the asparagus fern. This morning, I had a breakfast meeting with a colleague at Jam in Chicago's Logan Square neighborhood, and I just loved the spiky green plants they had around their outdoor seating. I called the restaurant later in the day, happened to get the owner on the phone, who was super-excited about these plants, giving me all of the details. I promise a picture of our finished boxes soon. Happy weekend, loves.