Getting my act together

We are going to list our condo in a few weeks. I have been lacking the motivation and the focus to get our condo show-worthy. Part of me doesn't want to pull our stuff out, looking at everything we have that we don’t use. Part of me doesn't want to run my hands over my chipped dinner dishes or look over my old wrinkled clothes, feeling like I should replace them and feeling wasteful at the same time. But mostly, I don’t want to add more work to my plate – more work that doesn't involve the kids. I want to push the moving boxes aside, grab Jack’s and Jossie’s little hands and head straight to a museum. I don’t want to worry about packing, finding the right house and, frankly, reorienting my life.

I like my city mama life. I have a well-worn path between my condo and my workplace. We have a trusted and loved daily caregiver for the kids. And I love the kids’ schools, pediatricians and classes. I have my grocery stores. I have my shortcuts and my ways. Life is working.

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Sunday afternoon, our family attended a brunch/art project for current families in the Prentice NICU. We've thanked the nurses and doctors and celebrated with NICU grad families, but this was my and Jeremy's first experience with direct services with current families.

Given my hesitancy for change, this was a good reminder for me. The biggest change of my little life so far has been motherhood, and in the case of being a preemie mom, you’re thrown into the deep end before you even expect it.

Granted – the group who attended the brunch were self-selected – but I was impressed with the handful of mothers I spoke with and their willingness to work through the change they have been given. They were ready to learn, to share with others about their experiences and make Valentine’s Day artwork for their little ones’ pods. One new mom just had her baby the day before! I was only with them for an hour but was reminded of my own changes in my life and how they weren't solved overnight – there was a period of transition and hard work.  In respect to the NICU, each day Jossie was there felt like an eternity. And besides the whole leaving my newborn there every day for 22 days, there were also the grody tasks of dealing with insurance, figuring out what to do with work (since I left early) and childcare for Jack. And now it is but a brief memory.

Jossie and Jack are my beautiful rewards of Jeremy's and my hard work. One current NICU mom kindly squeezed my hand and told me that seeing a healthy, lively Jossie “made her day.” (This was on our way out the door – if I had known that sooner, I would have asked Jossie to count to 10 and run backwards to show off her skills.) The NICU receptionists sang the kids’ praises. Two years ago, I couldn't envision today – and I wish I could have.

And so back to that darn stuff in my condo. It will get organized and packed. The toys that stay will be stored in clever ways to hide during showings but to also remain accessible to the kids’ whims. And getting my act together at home and making hard decisions about our move with Jeremy will be part of something bigger. It will allow us to move to a bigger space. To join a new community. To host more family and friends. To create a home for our family. Thinking about the bigger goals of tomorrow makes the finite tasks of today much more manageable.

And that, I suppose, can apply to all levels of our lives. Happy week ahead, my friends.

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Full circle

Earlier this year, my family and friends participated in the March for Babies walk along Chicago's lakefront. I am not sure how, but this connected me directly to the executive director of the Chicago office of the March of Dimes. I started receiving emails from her and I found myself volunteering to serve on the host committee for a reunion of NICU families, doctors and nurses at Prentice Women's Hospital at Northwestern Memorial.

Today was the reunion. I was there early and chatted with my fellow volunteers. The other mothers and I told our preemie stories in stats - how many weeks gestation, how many weeks we were in the NICU, and how old our children are now. And I realized I was a bonafide member of the family-centered care committee now for the NICU at Prentice, a volunteer opportunity I will surely relish in the coming months.

It's a pretty good day in my book when I can thank and hug the NICU nurses who provided loving care to Jossie. One of our favorites, Juanita, was as excited to see us as we were to see her. She held us up while we were in the NICU - she encouraged me to stay home for my safety during the Chicago blizzard and she was there to discharge Jossie on her last day in the NICU, tightly rolling up blankets to put in Jossie's car seat to keep her snug.  She has a set of twins who were born at 34 weeks, so she gets it. 

It is no secret that I was pretty sad after Jossie's birth. It was part-baby blues and part-this lack of control of my baby's birth. Perspective and time have allowed me to move on. And I'm so glad I have. I'm so glad to be here, given an opportunity to share my grateful thanks to the doctors and nurses and to lend a helping hand to new NICU families. And my kids are healthy. I feel so fortunate.