Friday, November 12, 2010

Musings in the wee hours

The clock says 4:56 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I'm thinking toys. I'm thinking I'll have to pull out Jack's old toys with this new baby and then I think about how my kids will be three years apart. Then I think about how when Jack is a high school senior, his sister will be a freshman. Then I think about how heartbroken I'll be when my son goes to college - a necessary step in his life, I admit - but I really feel like that's the real beginning of one's adulthood. Then I think about how I hope my daughter and I will get along and what will the high school years bring for us both. Then I think about Jeremy and me being empty-nesters and maybe we'll be able to do civilized things again like going to dinner on a weeknight or seeing a movie in the theater.

And then Roscoe the cat jumps on me, and I realize I shouldn't by lying on my back because I'm pregnant, so I shift to my side. I'm brought back to today - today is trains and blocks littered on the rug; looking for preschools; and ultrasound pictures on the fridge. Today is good, and I will cherish these moments - these early childhood days aren't always the easiest but today my babies are mine and not the world's just yet. And I'm selfishly going to hold onto that.

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